I found Suzanne through Glow in the Woods, a fantastic community for baby loss families (and the first online resource where I truly felt "at home"). She also learned during her pregnancy that Nathaniel would not live long after birth. Late last summer and early into the fall, we traded emails, sharing our stories, babies, and souls. I will never forget staring at Nathaniel's beautiful pictures in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep and Violet still rolled in my belly.
Before Violet was born, Suzanne sent me sage tea from her garden to stop my milk production. She also sent a ceramic mug with a tea cup insert to brew the tea and a candle. I have tried to since buy the same scent of the candle in Pacifica's perfume line, but it's unavailable. The smell was perfect and I know this sounds silly, but the color of the mug was perfect, too. I felt so comforted by this friend so far away. I still use the mug regularly, thinking of Suzanne and wishing we were having tea or coffee together throughout this first, difficult year for both of us.
I vaguely remember her asking me awhile ago if she could draw Violet. Of course, I agreed then promptly forgot about it. Until the package arrived yesterday. When I saw her name on the return address, I knew whatever was inside would be perfect.
It was, all of it. The card, the artwork. Her portrait of our girl.
The photo she used is the one where Violet opened her one eye as much as she could. She never opened her other eye. The more I stare at this piece, the more of V I see coming through. It's almost as it transforms and becomes more alive as I study it. Her lips, especially, are perfect. It's more "her" than the photograph. To say I love it is an understatement.
Suzanne got it all perfect, again. Thank you my wonderfully talented and loving friend.
You're still the only person I know who knew her baby would not survive for long outside of the womb. Nathaniel's trisomy is very rare, and the only people I've found on-line are the families of those children who survive.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot about this path, and how it's different from and similar to other paths of infant loss. I'm saddened to know that other people are sentenced to walk it.
Despite all the grief, I'm glad that I'm Nathaniel's mom. And I'm honored to have crossed paths in our this facet of our lives, and to be present and aware of Violet's life. It was an honor to work with her image. Such sweetness <3
So much love to you and your family.